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The following page of this website may contain graphic 'stick figure like' images that may offend you. These depictions represent literal passages from the Holy Bible that most people don't want you to know exists. Due to court order you now must be of age 18 or older to view this website from this point forward. All images and characters represented are 18 years old or older, are paid well, have proper housing, Medicare, and superb dental benefits. The Bible passages represented contain violence and sexual acts against children, but our images and pages do not. The Bible DOES contain sexual acts and violence against children, so deal with it or try to get the Bible banned where you live.
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Kidz, God loves you! Today, lets talk about our good pal, Noah! Again!
See, Noah and his family survived the Great Flood after God murdered everyone else on Earth since it was funny! Tehehehe!!
So anyway Noah and his family were all set after the millions of gallons of water that covered the Earth magically disappeared.
Just like that! Tehehe!! Noah thought it would be neat-o to be a farmer! So he decided to farm and even grow grapes!
Noah's had a brilliant idea though. He could use the grapes and make alcohol so he could get WASTED!! Remember, he could do this since he was such a perfect individual, God chose him out of the billions of other people that were murdered in the flood rather than him! So Noah started making wine (Genesis 9:20).
Noah got the wine together and PARTIED!!! WOOO!!! He drank and drank until he was WASTED!! WOOOOOO!!
It was so fun Noah got all naked and he just CRASHED inside of his tent (Genesis 9:21).
Before long Noah's son, Ham saw Noah all WASTED and TRASH!! HA HA! Way tubular! He went to his brothers Shem and Japheth outside and told them what happened. Shem and Japheth got some clothes though and went back to the tent and put clothes on Noah while making sure not to see his nude body (Genesis 22-23).
But Noah woke up all hung over and knew what all happened. He was WAY angry at Ham for what he did by not covering him immediately saying (Genesis 9:24):
"Cursed be Canaan;
A servant of servants
He shall be to his brethren."
(Genesis 9:25)
That's right! Ham's son, Canaan should be cursed for being born Ham's son. HOW DARE HE DO THAT! Canaan would live a terrible life from there and the territories that were in his name from then on would always be cursed, as well as his bloodline. SERVES HIM RIGHT FOR BEING BORN!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Noah then said:
"Blessed be the LORD,
The God of Shem,
And may Canaan be his servant.
May God enlarge Japheth,
And may he dwell in the tents of Shem;
And may Canaan be his servant."
(Genesis 9:26-27)
Noah blessed Shem and Japheth for clothing him. Apparently, according to the Bible, his penis got bigger. Americans must all be descendants of Japheth! I bet you didn't know that!
Genesis 9
18Now the sons of Noah who went out of the ark were Shem, Ham, and Japheth. And Ham was the father of Canaan. 19These three were the sons of Noah, and from these the whole earth was populated.
20And Noah began to be a farmer, and he planted a vineyard. 21Then he drank of the wine and was drunk, and became uncovered in his tent. 22And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. 23But Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and went backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father's nakedness.
24So Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done to him. 25Then he said:
"Cursed be Canaan;
A servant of servants
He shall be to his brethren."
26And he said:
"Blessed be the LORD,
The God of Shem,
And may Canaan be his servant.
27May God enlarge Japheth,
And may he dwell in the tents of Shem;
And may Canaan be his servant."
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