Australia Report
Written by Pastor Steve
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I have recently been asked to write a report on my progress within the land known as Australia, on the task of showing them the glory of becoming True Christians.
Several months ago, servant of our Saviour, Pastor Jim, came up to me with an offer and a request. The offer was to buy my daughter (before you liberals complain about this slavery being so-called "illegal", read Exodus 21:7. What do you have to say NOW, huh? HUH!? THINK YOU’RE SO CLEVER WITH YOUR FANCY DEGREES AND AETHEIST MINDS! WELL ARGUE WITH GOD!), and the request was that I’d investigate the godlessness of landmasses outside of the grand US of A. As hesitant as I was to leave the country of my birth, which brought me into the bosom of our lord, I knew the Pastor would not have asked this of me if he had not believed it vital.
Thus, with the aid of my recently acquired funds, I got on a boat and headed for Australia (if God had intended us to fly, he would have given us wings. The only exception to this rule, I believe, is when people are flying for the good of God’s Kingdom, such as in the Air force to bomb heathens. Don’t believe me? Read Luke 12: 51-52, then try to argue with God. Think you can argue with God? WRONG! You Arrogant fmorans.). I chose this country, because not only is it a staunch ally of America, so I could be sure it’s people would not stone me for spreading the true word, but it was quite far from America. Why is this a good thing, you wonder? (No, I am not psychic. Psychics worship the devil to get their powers. I was using a literary technique.) Because it gives me the chance to see how distance between the corners of the earth affects the transmission of Gods message, yes, Australia IS on the other side of God’s. To illustrate my point, I illustrated my point.
Yes, it is true this is very similar to the drawing done by the good Pastor Jim, but this is because he replaced the picture for one far more tastefully drawn, and of greater detail. (By the way, this picture also explains a great deal. A vast portion of Australia is filled with Desert, which is very hot. Just look how close Australia is to the sun, can you DOUBT now that the world is flat? If it were round this sort of thing would never happen. See? You don’t need these ‘Theories’ as scientists call them, to explain things. Why don’t you need them? Because Scientists are LYING FAGGOTS TRYING TO STEAL YOU FROM THE TRUE FAITH.)
Calm… calm…. Back to the report.
I’ve decided to divide my report into two sections. The enlightened saviors of good, and the unclean poo-poo heads of evil. First, lets read about people who poop their mothers, shall we? Upon my arrival in Australia, I made contact with several differing churches, to find out their views about our Lord. I was shocked to hear them all state the Liberal propaganda I had assumed had only corrupted the great nation of America. Those cursed Liberals have reached Australia already! They were assuming that God insisted on people "Turning the other cheek". Crap! That was added later by liberal scholars when translating the Bible from Latin into English (ignoring the resistance of the church, just showing how Heathen they are), and is untrue! God defends his people from heathens by calling on them to crush their enemies! Read Matthew 10:34-36, and THEN tell me God is for peace! If God was for Peace, do you think we would have had the CRUSADES! What do you think the SPANISH INQUISITION was for! THEY WERE FOR FREEDOM HANDELING HEATHENS UNTIL THEY WERE GOOD AGAIN. In other words, when they were DEAD, because the only GOOD HEATHEN IS A DEAD ONE!
Calm… calm…. Back to the report.
My amazement at the heathen natures that had perpetrated this society was further increased when I saw them playing "Footy". While this sport is similar in nature to Grid Iron, it still maintains the issue of large men engaging in activity that is far to homosexual in nature to be holy, as they rub up against each other in attempt to hold a ball close to them. The most disgusting part, however, was that the Ball itself was made of PIG LEATHER! For those heathens of you who don’t understand, read Leviticus 11:6-8, and LEARN for once in your life, about how touching the skin of a Dead pig makes you unclean. These people rub against each other in homosexual ways to actually TRY to touch that, which makes them unclean! What are you doing you FAGS!?!? MY GOD, HE WILL CURSE YOU AND BURN YOU AS THE FILTH YOU ARE FOR THAT!
What about the enlightened savior’s of good within Australia? They don’t exist. The place is a home of caca-lickers and Satan poopers.
I shall return to the home of good True Christian values, as soon as I am released from this Australian Jail. Apparently the laws in this HEATHEN land do not permit the burning of fags. I shall see you in a few years, Good Pastor Jim, and I will spread the word of Jesus while I am here. I believe I have found people true to our cause while I am in here, however. I am not the only one unfairly persecuted by THESE FAGGOT LEFTIE COMMUNIST SATAN HUGGERS. I am being inducted into the Patriotic Youth League by a few members within this Jail tomorrow.