True Christian Church of Christ

Psalm 94:16 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me. ---- Psalm 109:9 Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. --- Hebrews 12:4 Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. --- John 1:18 No man hath seen God at any time, the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him. --- John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. --- Genesis 32:30 And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved. --- John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. ---

Note: All E-Mails are 100% Authentic, so send one in and I will respond within a day or two!

Date: 9/01/2005 01:51:00 +0100
From: Andy Arthur <andy@magnificentoctopus.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: www.truechristian.com

Hi,

i was reading your website and i have never agreed with anyone so much
as when I read this;

Myth: Americans value their "Freedom" and will never stand for
Masturbation being outlawed.
Reality: Oral and anal sex are already illegal in several States, and
people like it that way!

I love having illegal anal and oral sex, i'm glad you do too.

Peace!

Andy ;X~

--
+---------------------------------------------------+
| .:.:www.magnificentoctopus.com:.:. |
| Andrew Arthur . |
| / \ |
| email – andy@magnificentoctopus.com /<o>\ |
| mob - 07717537084 /_____\ |
| MSN - sputnik_the_great@hotmail.com |
+---------------------------------------------------+

in everything you post on your website?

--
Vinny b. in the house of represenatives.

I have a paradox I've been trying to figure out. Would it be possible for
Jesus to heat up a burrito so much that he himself could not eat it.

Dear Pastor Jim,

I have read the segment on masturbation I think its quite pathetic.You mostly refer to female masturbation.So it leaves me to conclude a man wrote it.I guess you see its somewhat okay for men to do it.I'm sure you masturbate yourself you hypocrite.You also must think your hate mail generator is funny when actually it makes you look stupid as an individual.I'm sure a person that is married who masturbates for sexually stimulation is a better way to cope with lacking sexual intimacy in their marriage.But it looks like you want them to commit adultery so you have something else to preach about on Sunday mornings or to rub in your congregations face to prove how much more perfect you really are.So my conclusion is good luck on outlawing masturbation because people aren't going to stop because some prude off somewhere is trying to ban it.Hello wake up this is America we have freedom.Freedom to do what we feel like with our own bodies.So stop trying to push your religion on other
people.Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Laura Boise

Dear Pastor Jim,

I was perusing your website when I came across a glaring error in the
"Fighting Satan" section. It seems you are an idiot. I would like to point
out that "Muslim" is not a religion. A Muslim is a practioner of the faith
of Islam.
Sincerely,
Kyle

Are you guys kidding or what cause I mean some of this stuff is so freakin
stupid

Date: 9/02/2005 01:47:31 -0700
From: "Ian Boles" <ianbob8@msn.co*>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: Not answered in the FAQs

Jim,
What's the real deal with you, the man behind the HTML? Me and my buddy got
a kick out of your site, and I know you're making a point that Biblical
literalists are hypocrites, but do you believe any of the stuff you post on
your site? I look at some of the content on the site and I think, "This is
some funny stuff", but then I read your selected verses to back up the
statements, and I wonder if you actually believe some of the things you're
making fun of? Just curious.
Ian

I believe in it all as much as I believe in God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/02/2005 13:58:51 +0000
From: "Ross Nicoll" <rossnicoll@hotmail.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: your website.

Dear Pastor Jim,
As a fellow Christian, I can see your ideals and how you would like to
display them, but I have a few queries. I too believe that the bible is
the factual truth, and try my very hardest to live by it, however, it is
with love that I do so, and not with hate. Your site focuses too much on
the negative and unhappy things in life, instead of the positive and
joyous things, like for starters, Gods Love for us. We are so lucky to
live under the God we do, we should celebrate it, not bring negativity
and hatred so close to the Lord we love and follow. Also, as we know God
is a jealous God, therefore seeing atheists and some of the other things
you mentioned makes him sad. Should we not be trying to help Atheists
become Christians so that they too can see the true light and become
whole? Why do you profess such a hatred for them, and other groups like
them, when you could be helping them. It is your job as a Pastor of the
Lord to do so is it not? This site makes me very confused about whether
or not you truly do love the Lord. Your time would be better served
helping than hating.

Thank You, and God Bless.

Showing the negative must be done too since it is really love too. If we don't tell them the whole story, we are liars. If we are liars, then how can we love?

Honestly - Pastor Jim - Watch Bill Hicks and learn

i have found that True Christians are the most dishonest people I have ever worked with - Normal christians are fine

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO CHILDREN ???? HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT ????

THIS IS ON THE KIDZ PAGE:- (I think it's rather disturbing)

Just remember, anyone who isn't Christian is Evil. Let's repeat that together:
"Anyone who isn't Christian is Evil!"

YEAH! Say it one more time Kidz!

"Anyone who isn't Christian is Evil!"

Great job!!! God loves you so much!

Date: 9/04/2005 11:11:47 -0600
From: "gong ging" <gong12321@hotmail.com>
To: pastorjim@truechristian.com
Subject: hello

you are the most ignorant dumbass i have ever seen,
everything on youre site if just plain fucking stupid. EVERYTHING!
I'm not even gonna get spisific because there is so much stupidity on youre
site

and just give up on the forums because its gonna get hacked...again,

Date: 9/04/2005 11:18:11 -0600
From: "gong ging" <gong12321@hotmail.com>
To: pastorjim@truechristian.com
Subject: N/A

If youre ste isnt just some elaborate joke, then take the stuff from m
previous mail seriously,
but i doubt that its serious, after reading most of the site

if it is one big joke.... man you got too much time on youre hands

Have you gone insane????

5% of the population don't masturbate??? That's a minority to me. I don't
masturbate on a regular basis but who are you to judge others?? Leave that
to god. Judge not!!

You are free to do to yourself as you like but don't force opinions on
others. Do not lower your selves to the level of fanatical muslims.

Date: 9/04/2005 21:36:18 +0000
From: "Fernando Cordero" <newdatum@hotmail.co*>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: saved

Dear Holy Pastor Jim,

This website is hilarious, thank you for your unique brand of humor.
I couldn't stop laughing as explored your site. Don't feel bad that
people do not understand hardcore sarcasm. The meanness does make
you sound a bit like a 14 year old brat though. Constructive criticism:
I feel a more deadpan approach would be more critical towards
the fanatical religious nuts targeted. Anyway Thanks for the laughs.

"Burning and laughing eternally"
-Fred

I must say this. The People you wish to convert to true Christianity. I don't like the page, nor do I like the site, but I will not condem it. Why? I am not a true Chritian, but I do believe in God, Jesus, and Heaven. I trust in Them. But, as said by many a preache, and by the Bible, to condem another is to condem yourself. True Christianity is somthing that goes against homosexuals, due to it being considered wrong by the Bible. They are against Athiests, who believe no Higher Power. But yet they seem to forget what is said above on condeming. To forsake a gay man, and athiest, or someone who is simply 'Not Christian Enough' is to forsake your own soul. Now, it's on the 'Anti-Satan' page. But I must ask you, sir: Who do you think is the real enemy? Those who Forsake or those who are Forsaken?

We will die one day or another...bite it!

Date: 9/04/2005 19:49:22 -1000
From: "alejo e" <quirkythequark@hotmail.com>
To: pastorjim@truechristian.com
Subject: ok i get it

just curious thou... how much money does the site make for you? $1 a day is
not that much... t-shirt sales help?

al

ps, i do hope that people interested in christianity aren't confused and put
off by stumbling on your site... in any case it's not nearly as bad as all
the serious nut cases out there.

For how popular it is, it doesn't make that much money. I need to learn how to market myself better somehow.

Pastor you are a hypocrite, for example you use the words fagot, Niger,
whitch burning and God almighty knows how many other terms you use are based soley
on hate. Your website allows hatefullness, and spreads violence, instead of
trying to rejoin the lost sheep. And honestly if you have read the bible and
missed all the parts about love, and hope and faith for mankind you have read in
vain. You think jesus would have aproved of the hatefullness you are
endorsing? One of the pictures you have of Nesse is a proven fake by the way. its
drift wood, and you should know better than to place pictures on your site
without first seeing if its a fake, its false information.

Hi its me the burrito guy. In my last email I said "I have a paradox I've
been trying to figure out. Would it be possible for
Jesus to heat up a burrito so much that he himself could not eat it." You
answered "No, Jesus has even the super power to eat hot burritos. He truly
IS Lord!" Maybe you don't understand the paradox. We all agree that Jesus is
all powerful so he should be able to eat a burrito no matter what the
temperature. However if he also is all powerful then he should be able to
heat that burrito so much that no one would be a ble to eat (including
himself). See the paradox?

dear "pastor" jim
I think that you need to go back over the Bible and truely pray to God about what you are saying on ur website because alot of what you say on your website is not christian. u should really look t the designs or whatever you call those horrible things and ask God wut is wrong with them.....eat lobster satan wins?........noahs ark...noah holding a beer bottle?........athiest are morans?..........healing works and a woman chained to the bed?..........and last but not least vegitarians are p*****? how can u even say that word and have a picture of jesus....."pastor" ill pray that God gives you mercy on judgement day.......................thanks for taking the time to read this...........GOD BLESS YOU

sheree michelle sealey

Date: 9/5/2005 20:11:12 -0700
From: jkl hjkl <patrickwann@yahoo.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: taking the bible too far

Your views on masterbation are downright insane. you
quote many verses from the bible frogetting one thing,
the bible was written by man, not god. and also, there
has been MANY versions of the bible, versions which
could have easily been altered to applease the days
moral standards. are you SERIOUS about cutting a
females clitorous off? thats insane. no doubt once in
your life you have masterbated, and no doubt you
enjoyed it, regardless of the feeling of guilt
afterwards. god gave us our organs as a gift, and im
sure god doesn't want us to destroy what he gave us.
that would just be pointless. would you build a car
and then tear out the leather seating? thats what it
ammounts to. life is meant to be enjoyed, not
squandered away in pursuit of an after life we are not
even sure exists. i'm sure to that you would say "but
my faith tells me that there is an after life", but
that might as well be your brain talking. people say
god tells them to kill their kids, what makes you
anyless crazy saying god tells you that you will live
after you die?

My name is Sky, I am 12 yrs old, This e-mail is regarding the image of Jesus
with the American flag. I am doing a craft project to raise money for the
families that survived Hurricane Katrina, and I would like to use this picture.
I Don't know if you created it, if you did I would like your permission and
blessing to use it. If you didn't create it, could you tell me who did???

Thank you for reading this, and for any help,
Sky
wastesgerl@aol.com

I didn't draw it, but you can use it anyways. No one will sue you over doing things to help the victims and secondly you cant get in trouble for using other people's images unless you are doing it only for profit, but in your case you are doing it for non-profit. Go ahead, and good luck to you!

Date: 9/07/2005 03:43:49 +0000
From: "the Laban0s" <the_laban0s@hotmail.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: I'm confused??

I just read through the link containing "Favourite Emails" and I was utterly
surprised at the comments that were beneath the emails, I didn't see any
Christian love or any care for the lost, I saw mockery and swear words?!
(shouldn't keep our words wholesome?) While reading through your site I was
confused, it says don't speak kindly to an athiest but in the bible we are
told to speak the Gospel with gentleness.
Do athiests not deserve grace from God? Before a Christian is saved are they
not as sinful as an athiest?
You seem to condemn atheists, saying Christians should not be in contact
with them. If you do not speak to any athiests, none will be saved, if you
believe no athiests can be saved you are condemning them with power which
you don't have, you are acting as if you know whether they will be saved or
not. When truly only God knows those who are saved.

Hahah, okaaaay?.......... I just read some of your FAQ's....just because
NIV's don't have unicorns in them you rule them out? I think maybe I'm just
not sure how important unicorns are.

Oh man, there is some interesting stuff you say here, talking about the
earth being flat. You're saying some interesting stuff and then you burst
out saying that if the reader doesn't think the earth is flat they are an
atheist. Hahahah, thats ridiculous! Whether someone thinks the earth is flat
or not does not stop them from believing in God. Believing the earth is flat
is NOT a fundemental belief to Christianity.

Please, please reply, your website interests yet confuses and frustrates me,
I would be thankful for clarification and you'll probably get further emails
from me. :)

Thanks.

There is no such thing as an 'athiest'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/07/2005 07:40:02 -0700
From: "Jo Ryan" <irishrose24@hotmail.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: Just perused your site...

One thing I can say about your site, it gave me a good laugh. Let's take a look at Galatians 5: 19-21 shall we?

Galatians 5
19   Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20   Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21   Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

You're quickly to point out that witchcraft is part of works of the flesh. However, as I see it, you fail to take into account hatred, wrath, and strife. All of which are very present on your website. Are these not works of the flesh as well?

If being a christian is being like you, then no thankyou. I'd rather continue living in my paganistic ways. At least I know where I stand with my gods.

"One thing I can say about your site, it gave me a good laugh."

Yay!

= )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/07/2005 10:41:16 +0000
From: "jessica hoyle" <jessica_bean09@hotmail.co.uk>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: N/A

"The fact that you're insulting other religions and beliefs and lies really really, in turn, insult Christianity."

No it doesn't. I'm just showing my Christian Love for everyone.

this is a lie. i dont think u love any one, not even your self. what is the point in your site exactly? i can only guess u felt like being contreversial one day to get on every bodies nerves. unless you really are demented enough to believe any of that.

jes

To show what's in the Bible. God hates you lesbians!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/07/2005 10:48:11 +0000
From: "jessica hoyle" <jessica_bean09@hotmail.co.uk>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: N/A

ps. why are you attemting to corrupt innocent children?? nspcc anyone?

All Christians do that. We teach them evolution is wrong, that a man in the sky loves them, and a fat man from the North Pole gives them their presents on December 25th of every year.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/07/2005 17:07:48 +0100
From: "Ellie Frost" <smelly_ellie_frost@hotmail.co*>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: I just need some help with this bible thing...

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan x

"When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?"

Jesus actually came and told us that you could atone your sins simply be believing in Him and serving Him and asking for His forgiveness. This is one of the Old Testament Laws that doesn't need to be upheld these days, but then again you know how God loves death and destruction.

"I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?"

Depends where you go.

"I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense."

Then don't associate yourselves with these women. They are unclean.

"Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?"

You can own Canadians, but they cost more.

"I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?"

According to the Bible: Yes.

"A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?"

It is a lesser abomination.

"Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?"

If you are wearing glasses your vision is corrected, so you will be okay.

"Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?"

Painfully. God loves it when people are in pain.

"I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?"

Only fags play football. Everyone knows that.

"My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)"

Hehehe...

"I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging."

Now get back to the kitchen, woman!

"Your devoted fan x"

Thanks! Your support is appreciated!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/7/2005 12:54:58 -0400
From: "Sue Murphy" <murphys69@comcast.net>
To: <PastorJim@truechristian.com>
Subject: MASTURBATION!!!

You people are worse than the Radical Muslims killing our sons and daughters in Iraq and Afghanistan...There WILL be an accounting.

And American's vote for Bush. What do you expect from America?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/07/2005 15:58:02 -0400
From: BigDog604@aol.com
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: faulty logic

I was just browsing your site and while I am a dedicated Christian, I do
not believe that masturbating is wrong. However, regardless of my
beliefs, I just wanted to point out a flaw in your logic on the
masturbation page. The passage is as follows:

Myth: Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime."
Reality: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion
that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that
Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. *In fact, practically all
rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out
as Masturbators.*

I will not disagree with you that most rapists, sodomites, and child
molesters masturbated as teens and young adults. However , just because
one event came after another event does not mean that the previous event
/caused/ the second event. To further illustrate my point, let me
change the above bold sentence:

*In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and
pornography addicts were breast fed as babies.*

I would be willing to bet that the above sentence is still true. That
does not mean that breast feeding is a 'gateway activity' that leads to
raping and molesting. It simply happens to be the case that most people
are breast fed, and so it follows that most rapist and molestors were
breast fed as babies. Likewise, most people masturbate (I think your
site said 5% don't, so 95% do). That does not mean that they are
rapists and child molestors /because/ they masturbated. In fact, if you
look at the numbers, a very small percentage of masturbaters become
rapists and child molestors.

I hope you took the time to read this and I look forward to your reply,
if you feel so inclined to leave one. Thank you.

Bob Lauer

No.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/7/2005 14:45:19 -0700
From: robin fox <robincfox@yahoo.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: Things

Dear Jim

I don't hate you, I htink you are a danger to your
family and any poor lost souls who reads the things
you put on your website. Of course they would have to
be fairly uneducated in all matters theological to
regard anything you say with seriousness. How do you
justify bibilcally calling someone a niggerlover? THis
is even the least of your problems. I pray for your
children that god protects them from your evil
ideology. How did you become a pastor? Which seminary
did you go to?

One very worried nigger.

I followed in my father's footsteps.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/7/2005 23:39:51 +0100
From: David Hicks <d.hicks87@gmail.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: N/A

Dude, your site is a joke!!! You use it for political manipluation, to
preach the message of extremism and hate, you blaspheme by even associating
yourself with God, Damn you to Hell, the stuff you say is hypothetical
rubbish, and to say the earth is flat, you're kidding surely?

God is good, God loves all people equally, be they atheist, Muslim or
whatever, you do not!

He loves everyone so much He sends a majority of them all to Hell, forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/7/2005 20:30:33 EDT
From: V8376668@aol.co*
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: (no subject)

Hello. I was just reading the website, and I felt obliged to tell you that
your website is the funniest thing I've seen all day. I have been looking for
an ironic, parody-style website about religion. Keep up the good work.

Rob,

Thanks!

= )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/7/2005 20:59:13 -0700
From: Joel Bostwick <kill_for_me2000@yahoo.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: A Depeche Mode song

-Clean-
Clean
The cleanest I've been
An end to the tears
And the in-between years
And the troubles I've seen
Now that I'm clean
You know what I mean
I've broken my fall
Put an end to it all
I've changed my routine
Now I'm clean
I don't understand
What destiny's planned
I'm starting to grasp
What is in my own hands
I don't claim to know
Where my holiness goes
I just know that I like
What is starting to show
Sometimes
Clean
The cleanest I've been
An end to the tears
And the in-between years
And the troubles I've seen
Now that I'm clean
You know what I mean
I've broken my fall
Put an end to it all
I've changed my routine
Now I'm clean
As years go by
All the feelings inside
Twist and they turn
As they ride with the tide
I don't advise
And I don't criticise
I just know what I like
With my own eyes
Sometimes
Clean
The cleanest I've been
An end to the tears
And the in-between years
And the troubles I've seen
Now that I'm clean
You know what I mean
I've broken my fall
Put an end to it all
I've changed my routine
Now I'm clean
Sometimes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/7/2005 22:53:30 -0600
From: "Brian Motykowski" <brianmotykowski@comcast.ne*>
To: <PastorJim@truechristian.com>
Subject: N/A

Is this website for real? Oh man, I couldn't stop laughing. I'm gonna forward this to my friends, they'll find it hilarious.

Brian

Hoooray!!

^,..^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/08/2005 00:04:10 +0000
From: sgore@speakeasy.ne*
To: Pastorjim@truechristian.com
Subject: Keep it up!!

I just noticed that you haven't been getting many positive comments at all.. it seems the atheists are now too stupid to understand the parody of this site... I must be the only one left =(

Anyways, keep up the good work. This website has always been and WILL always be the best weapon for atheism on the 'net.

I hope to take out the American Atheist Organization eventually. Thanks!!!

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Date: 9/08/2005 23:21:01 -0700
From: "Alicia Brienza" <abrienza18@msn.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: Ok

Okay, I am hoping everything said on this site is actually a really, really,
REALLY fun joke...Ah you crazy christians! I got to love you all!

Stand back succubus!!

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Date: 9/9/2005 12:00:47 +0100
From: Steve Slotow <pingocapoeira@yahoo.co.uk>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: Cool website

Hey dude,

Loved your website!!! Thought it was absolutely
brilliant how you take the piss out of Christianity.
Your website accomplished this, I thought, better than
any website or book I've ever read or seen. Well done.

Particularly enjoyed your kiddies section that I
thought was brilliant. I can really appreciate the
time you've taken to put into your passion (in this
case ripping off major religions) because it shows in
the content and the humor that the website contains.

For me the best section was by far the 'Fighting
Satan' section, although a bit of criticism, I think
you forgot a couple of religions on the list, but it's
pretty good none-the-less. [By the way I read you
replies to emails and you seem a bit hung up on
punctuation and grammar so thought I'd help you out
and tell you there's a spelling mistake on this page.
'Here is our hit list of the follows of Satan...'
should read 'Here is our hit list of the followers of
Satan', but otherwise good job.]

Keep up the good work, I'll be reading it.

Pete

PS: Think you should also look into doing a site on
politicians and taking the piss out of them. With your
sense of humor that would be awesome to read. Just a
thought! Ciao

"I thought, better than
any website or book I've ever read or seen. Well done."

Thank you so much! That makes me feel so great -- you have no idea!

= )

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Date: 9/09/2005 17:56:00 +0000
From: "David Morgan" <morganda26@hotmail.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: Geometry

Hello,

Please be so kind as to comment on the following:

Isaiah 11:12: "And he shall set up an ensign for the nations, and shall
assemble the outcasts of Israel, and gather together the dispersed of Judah
from the four corners of the earth."

Isaiah 40:22: "It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the
inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers; that stretcheth out the heavens as
a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in:"

Does this mean that a circle has four corners?

Thanks,

David

There are no contradictions in the Bible. Why? Err...well...because..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/9/2005 21:49:19 -0500
From: Drew Daniel-Hamric <productofthebox@gmail.com>
Reply-to: productofthebox@gmail.com
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: TrueChristian.com

I read over your site extinsively, and I am very preturbed by the things you
say. You say that by entering the Satan Fighters section, that you must
agree with everything that is said...in a nutshell anyway. You also have
several things that scream "this is a joke" throughout the page. Maybe it's
wishful thinking, but I'm really under the belief that you are somebody
trying to prove how crazy Christianity can be if you take the bible
seriously...and it can be pretty crazy. I am not a Christian myself, but I
do not have a problem with Christianity as a belief. There are many
Christian that bother because of their blatant disregard and
missinterpretation of the belief structure, such as the things you comment
on in you site. You also have several odd mentioning throughout, such as
your choice to include Independance Day on the calender in which you talk
about supressing and caging ones wife during a natural process of her life,
manditory to cary out reproduction. Then, on your front page, you introduce
yourself as a millionare, which is rather awkward for a pastor to do in the
first place. What is even more outlandish is that you follow that immediatly
with a quote about how hard it is for rich men to enter heaven. You also say
your name is Rick Warren, yet your email is PastorJim...I do not understand
why you would choose a different name for your email. Also, the comic drawn
throughout the site are honestly funny in the since that I do not think you
are serious. I am a fan of offensive humor, and I believe that if this is
all a joke, you are a genius at work, and your presentation is HILLARIOUS.
Otherwise...you need to die. This is not a threat on your life, simply my
own belief. I also thing that by listing all of these things, you are acting
as a judge against human civilization, and therefore cannot possibly enter
heaven. The bible says judge not, for you will be judged at the extent to
which you judge before the gates of heaven. How do you expect any of your
unrecognized sins to go unprosecuted while you sit around passing out
blatant prejudice.
Please return this email, and elighten me on the point of your crusade.

"I'm really under the belief that you are somebody
trying to prove how crazy Christianity can be if you take the bible
seriously...and it can be pretty crazy."

Ding ding ding ding!!

"You also say
your name is Rick Warren, yet your email is PastorJim"

Where do I say my name is Rick Warren?

"Then, on your front page, you introduce
yourself as a millionare"

No, I'm talking about Rick Warren, I'm not saying I'm him.

"you are a genius at work, and your presentation is HILLARIOUS."

I know, I know.

Thanks.

= )

"The bible says judge not, for you will be judged at the extent to
which you judge before the gates of heaven."

The Bible says a lot of things. That's the point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/10/2005 09:25:00 -0700
From: matt springsteen <superman46320@yahoo.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: no really, are you for real?

I came across you site and thought it was the funniest thing I found today. If you are for real, then you have something to fear. Like your "God" made more than man and you don't feel special anymore. If this is a joke then you made me laugh, thanks.

You're welcome.

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Date: 9/11/2005 13:43:42 -0400
From: Brendan McNulty <mcnulty89@gmail.com>
Reply-to: mcnulty89@gmail.com
To: "PastorJim@truechristian.com" <pastorjim@truechristian.com>
Subject: N/A

Pastor Jim I have found your answers very unsatisfactory and you have not
helped me solve my paradox. I have decided to email the Vatican to see what
they have to say in regards to this issue.
PS. One last paradox. Why does the Big 10 have 11 teams?

What's that?

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Date: 9/11/2005 21:41:56 +0100
From: "Glenn Masson" <wezzergoldisfun@hotmail.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: One Hell of a website!

Although I disagree with all your ethics, beliefs, and views; I love the
satire on the site.

Keep up the good work!

The "Kidz" section is especially disturbing. It's just brilliant. I can't
say how much I have enjoyed reading through your site, and seeing how much
it has offended people. SCIENCE IS WRONG written so many times! Its amazing!
I reckon that Science is wrong also! It must be. This computer isn't a
product of science, and your computer isn't neither. You ever used a car? I
bet you've been to a hospital? I bet you've used toilet paper, and a crapper
before aswell. God Made these! Your SO right! GOD MADE THE CRAPPER.

ALL REJOICE by "banging a hooker"!

Thanks alot for making the site, I used to think I was a jerk. Now I realise
I could be much worse.

Thanks in advance for correcting any grammar and/or spelling mistakes I
might have made in some sort of retort.

Eh?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/12/2005 00:12:58 +0000
From: "Kyle Tr" <skylineattic@hotmail.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: curious

Just a quick thought Pastor.
There is a comment on your website about the audacity of the american
government not mandating female circumcision. I always though that was the
basic reason for the charter of freedoms and rights, and your country's
constitution. Two documents that not only protect enfant females from such a
brutally unnessecary surgery, but also allow you to post your website and
beliefs without being prosicuted by others. Another question. I myself do
not personally believe heavily in any religion soley because of fanatics
such as yourself, but I was wondering why, if God was to see it as an
offence to himself for us to mastubate why would he give us the capability
and anatomy (esspecially in women, where the clitoris is not needed for
reproduction) to achieve orgasm?
If you like you can respond politely with any insight you may have.
thank you for your time

The Shop Hand Artist

Go home.

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Date: 9/12/2005 10:11:46 -0300
From: Érico Lopez <erico_lucky@hotmail.com>
To: PastorJim@truechristian.com
Subject: Message from a fan

Dear "Pastor Tim",

I just want to say that I am a big fan of your website. I check it out from
time to time and it always gives me a few good laughs. My favorite part is
the Kidz Page but its also really funny to see some of the emails you get
specially the ones from atheists that think they are really smart but can't
figure out what your site is about or the ones that go like "your a hateful
ignorent i hate you.!!!!!!!!!111".
I enjoy reading about religion even though I am a atheist and your site is a
good source of information. I found really interesting to read about
religions I didn't know much about like Scientology and Jehovah's Witnesses.
I like the fact that you use a dark background with bright fonts because its
easier for the eyes to read long texts on it but some of the font you use is
not really contrasting with the background and I need to highlight it to be
able to read it like the red, black or blue fonts that you use.
I hope more people visit your site and realize whats its about but I think
that most people don't quite get it.
Keep up the good work.

Cheers,

Your fan Érico from Brazil.

Thanks, but who is Tim?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/12/2005 09:45:41 -0400
From: "Rich Hudec" <rhudec@swfla.rr.com>
To: <PastorJim@truechristian.com>
CC: <cheesecake2000@football.sportsline.com>, "'Chris Hudec'" <chrisdog20@aol.com>, "'michael riley'" <mikerileyfop@hotmail.com>
Subject: Masturbation

Pastor,

I have read your WebSite http://www.truechristian.com/masturbation.html
and I have to say I am aroused! I love to beat my meat! I cannot and will
not stop. You should try it! It is the best feeling ever!

Sincerely,

Blisters/Calluses Hudec

That's nice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: 9/12/2005 09:44:50 -0500
From: "Sarita_Behm" <saritab@max.com>
Reply-to: <saritab@max.com>
To: <PastorJim@truechristian.com>
Subject: Josh and Caleb Thompson

You might want to add this to you information about these boys as a means
of helping them, it is a web sight at www.remembermybonds.com

I'll see what I can do.